I don’t believe in coincidence. You’re thinking about someone and they call you. When you’re upset and you get a text from the one person who will absolutely make you smile. If you’re about to do something supremely stupid or harmful to yourself and others and something gets in your way to stop you. These things do not happen randomly. They happen for a reason. Sometimes we don’t always know what the reasons are, or why. I feel like the interesting/fun/challenging part of life is trying to figure out what those reasons may be, or even who is deciding them. I’ve never been a firmly per-se religious person, but I do believe there is something more in life. There is something that makes us unique, makes us human. My definitions are always changing when it comes to the who, why and how and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. I am still becoming the person I am meant to be and part of that includes my spiritual development. Some people may be able to live without that in their lives. After all I have been through in mine, I know that that would just be too dark and lonely of a place to have to exist in if I didn’t have that part of me. People, opportunities, and even thoughts come into your life and mind to guide you to where and who you need to be, the tricky part is just making sure you don’t get too lost along the way…….
Do you know who I am? September 10, 2008
I’ve been slacking a lot lately in the blogging department, not only in writing, but in reading them as well. I recently was able to catch up thanks to a slow week at work. After reading J-Man’s blog post “Best Friends Means You Get What You Deserve” I decided to take a look at the list of things you should know about your good friends. I realized that I could barely answer these questions for myself, let alone be able to say that I knew them about any of my friends. I decided I’d let those of you who read my blog cheat a little bit and learn somethings about me if you don’t already know them. I also felt I needed to try and define those things for myself. Fears, dreams, weaknesses, history they are all at the core of what make a person who they are. I’ve been on a mission to try and figure out who I am this last year so I may as well let everyone in on what I’ve come up with so far. The link is at the bottom of where these came from.
1. Know at least one of their life’s goals.
I’d like to go back to school for my PhD when I’m older. I think it would be pretty cool to be called Dr. DePiero. I figure that when I get burnt out on my crazy lifestyle in 15 years I won’t have a problem sitting in room and reading and writing books all day.
2. Know one of their weaknesses.
I don’t know how to ask for help when I need it. I refuse to ask for directions. I’d rather waste hours, days, weeks trying to figure out how something works rather than ask someone how to fix it. When I’m feeling vulnerable I don’t let anyone help hold me up. Part of it is not trusting that others can know something as well as I do, and part of it is the need to always be self-sufficient. I got so used to people not being there for me that I stopped asking for them to be. I’d like to change that.
3. Know what makes them truly happy.
My friends and watching a good live music show. When the two of those are together I couldn’t feel more complete as person.
4. Learn about their childhood.
I’d actually rather you didn’t. Just know that whatever weird fucked up shit I do now is probably a direct result of things that happened when I was younger. It’s no excuse for my less awesome behaviors. It is however, all in the past and it can’t be changed and I’d rather not talk about it anymore. The best I can do is try to be the best person I can be, right now. I don’t need any sympathy or respect from anyone for the things I have gone through. Just like everyone else I am just trying to get through this crazy thing called life. I made it out alive and I’d like to think I’m a pretty decent person despite all the bullshit I had to deal with. So lets just enjoy the present moment instead, it is after all, the only thing we’ve got going for us.
5. Learn about what they want in the future.
Adventures. I don’t want this crazy ride to stop for a second. I never want to sit down and realize that I am bored with my life. I constantly want to be going somewhere, anywhere.
6. Find out what they feel was their biggest failure in life so far.
I don’t mark my life by successes or failures. I’ve technically “failed” some things but I wouldn’t call them failures at all. Experiencing those things only helped me become even more awesome, so I don’t waste too much time on letting them make me feel negative.
7. Find out what they do and don’t like about their life.
I love that I am all over the place. I love that I don’t have any problem picking up and moving on to the next place. It makes my life pretty damn interesting. One thing I don’t like is the fact that my family is so spread apart. I’m only 23 and the last time we were all together was at least 10 years ago. There are few things I wouldn’t give to wake up and be with all of my siblings on Christmas morning again.
8. Discover what their dream job has always been.
Music and travel…..put em together
9. Find out what their favorite book is.
Books are my favorite in general. I’ve read too much from too many areas to ever choose just one.
10. Find out something they’ve always want to try, like skydiving or bungee jumping.
I’m always up to try anything. There are few things I haven’t at least tried. I’d like to learn how to skate board though honestly. I’ve tried it but I’d like to get to the point that I could at least do some cool stuff. There’s nothing more awesome to me than seeing a chick know what she’s doing on a skateboard…..unless its a chick playing the drums.
11. Find out who they admire.
I’ve never been big on admiring others really. I didn’t have very many people in my life growing up that I could admire really and as such I have always looked inside myself for strength, motivation, etc. Recently though that has changed and I would have to say that anyone who has the guts to pursue what they love, regardless of how tough it may make their life in the meantime. Those are the people that get all the respect in the world from me. I’m working to be more like them.
12. Know what their biggest fear is.
Losing a limb in a shark attack. I used to have the worst nightmares about it when I was younger. Shark week for this girl is definitely something to avoid. Second to that would be living your normal average life, marriage, family, owning a house, working a 9-5 job. Hard to think of anything more scary than normalcy…..and shark attacks.
13. Discover why they aren’t pursuing their dreams.
It took me along time to really even figure out what they even were. I think I’ve got a handle on that now. I’ve got some financial obstacles in the way right now, but soon I hope to be on my way. I’m just glad I was able to find out what that was.
14. Find out where they would live if they could live anywhere.
I’d have a house on a beach where the weather is always nice.
15. Find out what they thought was the worst day in their life.
Hands down the day I went to Denny’s funeral. It wasn’t real until I saw him lying there, and then eventually buried. Probably the hardest thing I had to stand and watch and I couldn’t do a thing to change it. Confronting the absoluteness of death affected me in a more profound way than anything else has before or since. Nothing feels more real, or makes you feel more helpless. Even though it was the worst day it gave me one of the best things I’ve ever gotten: the ability to treasure those in my life right now, because they can all too easily be gone tomorrow.
http://www.lyved.com/people/15-things-to-know-about-the-people-in-your-life/
Welcome to Life August 30, 2008
I was partly feeling uninspired and partly retreating back into my habits of keeping everything I write super private. Some things have come to light recently in my life and I finally felt I could sit down and put it all into words.
It’s been exactly two weeks from the weekend that changed my life. I guess I don’t even really want to say “changed my life” because it wasn’t really all that dramatic. Its a change that has been waiting to happen to me for awhile now. I was just waiting for that one moment when it would all come together. I needed a moment that would feel so strong that I couldn’t ignore it. I finally experienced that moment and I couldn’t possibly be any happier or more content. The amazing thing to me has been that I have been able to hold on to that feeling for the last two weeks. The happiness didn’t just fade away after the experience. It stuck with me and its only fortifying what I’ve really known all along.
After college I wasn’t quite sure what to do with myself. I knew that I didn’t really want a serious job and I wasn’t ready to pursue any type of long term plan, but I started to feel like I was just floating around in my life. I didn’t have a purpose. I am surrounded by people on a daily basis that are so passionate and dedicated to making their dreams happen and I started to feel like I was missing something. To be around so many people in my life that are so sure of what they want, and eager to pursue it no matter what the costs, can feel a little intimidating even to someone like me. It’s been a little over a year now and I can say that all this time, although full of its ups and downs, was definitely something that I needed to experience.
I try not to have regrets in my life but as soon as my plane had landed back in Boston last October I felt I had made a mistake in coming home. When I look back now though, I know that I had to go through all of the tough times. They have only helped me define what I want out of my life. I was distracted from making anything happen before because I was too comfortable with the things I already had, even if they weren’t the best for me. My decision to move back out to Arizona was an attempt to change that, to begin to pursue something real, something that would make me truly happy.
The last few years of my life spent hanging out with musicians, going to shows, selling merch, and being what I like to call a “professional music fan” have hinted to me many times that I should work in the music industry, that maybe that type of career might make me happy. My love of traveling, meeting new people, and ability to handle insanely chaotic situations have made me think many times that I would be successful touring and managing. Until now I wasn’t absolutely sure that that was the right path for me and I had only ever toyed with the idea of actually pursuing that kind of career. I’ve come to realize that I am only getting older, and its either now or never.
I have had endless conversations with those I am closest to, trying to sort through how I felt about it, the pros and cons, questioning if I would be successful at it, etc. I just seemed to be continually pussy-footing around the issue. Well, I can tell everyone now that I am done with all of that. After that weekend I can say that I am absolutely sure that this is what I want to do. I just turned 23. Its time to take a risk and go for it. I know I won’t be happier any other way.
I have finally come to understand what fuels all of the people in my life. Its amazing knowing that something feels so right, that nothing can derail you from at least attempting to make it happen. Just like in the rest of your life there are no guarantees that things will work out. That doesn’t mean that there isn’t a point to trying anyways. As John Lennon said “life is what happens while you’re making other plans”. Well I am going to make other plans, but I want to enjoy my life on the way there.
I had a feeling the last few months were leading up to something, and silly me thought that it might just be starting my life again out in Arizona. I’ve never been so glad to be so wrong. After Bamboozle, Warped Tour, meeting my friend Amanda, and that weekend, I couldn’t possibly be more sure of where I need to go and what I need to do. There is just something amazing about going on the road and essentially sharing your love of music with other people. I am not a musician, although I have had my moments, but I can say that music is my life. I love listening to it, talking about it, seeing it played live, and surrounding myself with those who create it. I know that this is where I want to be, at least for now. This is what makes me happiest. Plans are certainly in motion for me, and we will have to wait and see what will become of them…….
