Welcome to Life August 30, 2008

I was partly feeling uninspired and partly retreating back into my habits of keeping everything I write super private. Some things have come to light recently in my life and I finally felt I could sit down and put it all into words.

It’s been exactly two weeks from the weekend that changed my life. I guess I don’t even really want to say “changed my life” because it wasn’t really all that dramatic. Its a change that has been waiting to happen to me for awhile now. I was just waiting for that one moment when it would all come together. I needed a moment that would feel so strong that I couldn’t ignore it. I finally experienced that moment and I couldn’t possibly be any happier or more content. The amazing thing to me has been that I have been able to hold on to that feeling for the last two weeks. The happiness didn’t just fade away after the experience. It stuck with me and its only fortifying what I’ve really known all along.

After college I wasn’t quite sure what to do with myself. I knew that I didn’t really want a serious job and I wasn’t ready to pursue any type of long term plan, but I started to feel like I was just floating around in my life. I didn’t have a purpose. I am surrounded by people on a daily basis that are so passionate and dedicated to making their dreams happen and I started to feel like I was missing something. To be around so many people in my life that are so sure of what they want, and eager to pursue it no matter what the costs, can feel a little intimidating even to someone like me. It’s been a little over a year now and I can say that all this time, although full of its ups and downs, was definitely something that I needed to experience.

I try not to have regrets in my life but as soon as my plane had landed back in Boston last October I felt I had made a mistake in coming home. When I look back now though, I know that I had to go through all of the tough times. They have only helped me define what I want out of my life. I was distracted from making anything happen before because I was too comfortable with the things I already had, even if they weren’t the best for me. My decision to move back out to Arizona was an attempt to change that, to begin to pursue something real, something that would make me truly happy.

The last few years of my life spent hanging out with musicians, going to shows, selling merch, and being what I like to call a “professional music fan” have hinted to me many times that I should work in the music industry, that maybe that type of career might make me happy. My love of traveling, meeting new people, and ability to handle insanely chaotic situations have made me think many times that I would be successful touring and managing. Until now I wasn’t absolutely sure that that was the right path for me and I had only ever toyed with the idea of actually pursuing that kind of career. I’ve come to realize that I am only getting older, and its either now or never.

I have had endless conversations with those I am closest to, trying to sort through how I felt about it, the pros and cons, questioning if I would be successful at it, etc. I just seemed to be continually pussy-footing around the issue. Well, I can tell everyone now that I am done with all of that. After that weekend I can say that I am absolutely sure that this is what I want to do. I just turned 23. Its time to take a risk and go for it. I know I won’t be happier any other way.

I have finally come to understand what fuels all of the people in my life. Its amazing knowing that something feels so right, that nothing can derail you from at least attempting to make it happen. Just like in the rest of your life there are no guarantees that things will work out. That doesn’t mean that there isn’t a point to trying anyways. As John Lennon said “life is what happens while you’re making other plans”. Well I am going to make other plans, but I want to enjoy my life on the way there.

I had a feeling the last few months were leading up to something, and silly me thought that it might just be starting my life again out in Arizona. I’ve never been so glad to be so wrong. After Bamboozle, Warped Tour, meeting my friend Amanda, and that weekend, I couldn’t possibly be more sure of where I need to go and what I need to do. There is just something amazing about going on the road and essentially sharing your love of music with other people. I am not a musician, although I have had my moments, but I can say that music is my life. I love listening to it, talking about it, seeing it played live, and surrounding myself with those who create it. I know that this is where I want to be, at least for now. This is what makes me happiest. Plans are certainly in motion for me, and we will have to wait and see what will become of them…….

My life’s these yellow lines….. August 20, 2008

This last weekend I went on a “fake” tour.  I travelled with two friends up to see Lannen Fall play shows in Vermont and New York.  For one reason or another I had never even been to Vermont except for the time that Christina and I had to rescue them from their broken down van after their first long tour in 2007.  I was definitely excited to see the scene up there and I had heard it was going to be a good show.

 

On the way up we were stuck in a ridiculous amount of traffic on the Mass Pike compounded with a crazy amount of rain it took us almost 5 hours to get up to Vermont.  We rolled into the venue and I was able to catch the end of Go Crash Audio’s set.  Of course Matt was being a drummer nerd and watching their drummer play, and of course I sat down to be a nerd right along with him.  It’s wild to see such a big dude play the drums!  After their set I headed next door as I heard a rumor that Horse was over there enjoying some beverages, and we all know how much I like those.  I enjoyed some drinks, heard some crazy news from Matt and then back to the show to watch Lannen Fall play.  I was a jerk and didn’t pay attention at all as I was absorbed with texting/IM’ing buddies on my new sidekick.  

 

All in all it was an awesome start to the weekend.  I got to see and old friend and catch up on his life.  He’s had a kid since the last time I’ve seen him and he’s only a few weeks older than me, its crazy!!  The bar right next door was pretty cheap and of course I found it necessary to buy myself and everyone else one too many drinks after the show.  Somehow we ended up in a hotel room at the end of the night where I got to sleep off my drunken stupor.  Woke up in the morning and went to breakfast and then it was off to the next show in New York.  

 

Jay had decided to stay with us that night so he ended up driving to New York for us.  We got there wayyyy ahead of Lannen Fall (nothing new there).  When we pulled up to the venue we saw a van pull in with Arizona plates, and of course I got a little excited about that, and then Jay tells me they have a chick drummer on top of it!!!  It was definitely going to be an interesting night.  We hung out with some of the bands, ate delicious sandwiches and helped a bit with load in.  I watched almost all of the other bands on the tour that night in New York.  It was the third show of this particular tour that I had been too and I hadn’t yet really watched the other bands play so I wanted to check them out.

 

I was most excited to watch The Summer Set, the band with the chick drummer.    Decent women in music are rare to find as it is, but the rarest of all is the infamous girl drummer.  I hated to admit it but when I first saw her walking around the venue I figured she must be selling merch or something for one of the bands.  She was just too cute and little to be a drummer!!  I was happy to discover that she is also a really good at what she does!! Honestly, nothing gets me more excited than to see women actually playing instruments in bands and playing them well (sorry girl vocalists/keyboard players don’t get a lot of points with me).  And to see a drummer no less!  Those of you who know me know I usually have a thing for drummers as it is, and the fact that she was a girl was no exception.  Amanda and I watched her whole set, and by the end we were in love.  Best thing of all is they are also the band from Arizona so I will absolutely be seeing them again soon for sure!!

 

After their set Amanda and I again set out on the task to not be sober by the end of the night.  Something we are getting almost too good at these days.  Between the bar in the venue and then drinking 40s with some of the dudes in Go Crash Audio, we were almost too successful at our goal.  One thing that will prove to be Amanda and I’s downfall in the future is the lack of foresight we have in who the hell is gonna drive us once we’re belligerent……

 

One of the most surprising things about this weekend was that I spent hardly anytime with Lannen Fall, the buddies I was going to see in the first place!  I didn’t even watch them play in New York.  I know I’ll be forgiven for that at least.  I’ve probably seen them play more than anyone.  I just couldn’t help going out and making new buddies.  It’s what I do best!!  Plus it was interesting to hear what other people and bands have to say about Lannen Fall/music/touring etc.  I’m so close to all of them I don’t realize that other people might think differently about them and their music.  It was also awesome to make some new buddies and get exposed to some new bands from places outside of New England.  I ended up staying with The Hint and Go Crash Audio that night.  I slept in their van and was woken up by their drummer, Sean, pulling out weights and shit from the van.  Yeah, he works out on the road, talk about extreme!!  Guess that explains all the muscles though……..

 

Later we all met up and headed out on the road back home.  A quick stop at Friendly’s for some chicken strips baskets and then hours of driving.  I was not happy to be getting back onto the Mass Pike.  I had zero desire to be back in MA, let alone the fact we still all had horrible memories of traffic on the way up.  The weekend had just been too good!!  I hadn’t yet processed all of the things that had happened over the course of the weekend but I had a feeling that the effect it would have on my life was going to be huge………..

 

but more on that later………

 

Thanks to everyone for making it such an awesome weekend!!

 

Also check out some awesome bands!!

Go Crash Audio

The Hint

Mercy Mercedes

The Summer Set