I couldn’t help but wonder….. May 30, 2008

Today the Sex and the City movie opens all across America.  I am what you would call a fan of the show.  I have seen all six seasons and more than once.  I’ve laughed and yes, even cried during an episode or two.  I am however, extremely pissed about this movie coming out and I have several reasons for feeling so.

The first would be that I felt the series ended exceptionally well.  It concluded in a way that there really is no need to find out what happens after.  As far as I am concerned this film is just an attempt to make more money off of a very successful series.  That kind of crap always pisses me off.  They are trying to force more out of something in an attempt to make more money and I feel that projects like that often take away from what came before.

The second is that I find tremendous issue with the fact that the premise of the movie revolves around Carrie marrying Big.  I in fact can say that I HATE that plot line.  The relationship between Carrie and Big carried through the entire series and it had its ups and downs.  They were both getting older and had both experienced their issues with commitment.  Big had been married twice before and Carrie had attempted to get married but found she couldn’t go through with it.  I enjoyed the end of the series because despite it all they found each other again and in a way seemed to understand that their relationship wasn’t the fairy-tale romance that every girl (minus a few of us of course) thinks is going to happen to them.  I enjoyed the show because it was real.  It showed that relationships aren’t always like they are in the movies or romance novels but yet here they are turning it into that very same thing!

By now I am sure you are all starting to understand my aversion to the concept of marriage.  I have always felt this way in my life.  No one ever believes that I truly feel like I do not ever want to be married.  There is honestly only one person in my life that has ever made me feel that maybe someday MAYBE I would like to enjoy that type of celebration.  But even that fact irritates me a little.  One boy comes into my life and I feel a little high from the chemicals that the so-called feelings of love release in my brain and I drop some of the most important things that I believe in, going against my principles simply because someone else made me happy for awhile.  Well luckily that situation ended and I was able to return again to the world of sanity and logic.  I feel that marriage is not something that is really needed in today’s society.  It doesn’t really serve any purpose other than the fact that it makes people “happy”.  Anyways I’m losing my point….back to why this movie is pissing me off…..

The third is that so many girls/women are so god damn excited for it.  I can’t think of a worse movie genre other than the “chick flick”.  There are very few of them that I can even sit through.  I like to see things explode.  I like laughing at stupid sexual humor.  I like seeing aliens battle predators, robots, laser guns, spaceships and ridiculous visual effects.  I like movies about comic book heroes.  And I HATE when they throw a love story into the mix of them.  I am all for gratuitous sex scenes at the conclusion of a crazy fight scene…..but all this love crap?  Honestly?  If you’re going to have a genre of the “chick flick” or “romantic comedy” leave the mushy love crap in those horrible movies, stop polluting the rest of the film world.  

Why do females give into these fairy tales?  Do we honestly still think about being a pretty pink princesse rescued by a prince charming?  Its absolutely absurd and the more we peddle this crap to our daughters and each other the more you will see females searching for something that just can’t exist anymore.  I see it as a major source of unhappiness for women and a source of conflict when they actually find themselves in a relationship.  If you want to be saved, save yourself.  IF I do ever decide to raise a child (most hopefully through adoption rather than childbirth) I don’t think I want to expose her to the silly world of Disney princesses and bullshit fairy tales that give us the hidden message that we should just look pretty and wait for a big strong man to come and take care of us someday.  I think that we as women as a whole need to examine our “culture” and start to make some changes, primarily by leaving behind the notions fed to us in films such as these.

[*If you're a female (or a male secure about himself enough to appreciate strong, intelligent women) reading this I would look into a series of books called "Girls to the Rescue" by Bruce Lansky.  They are a collection of stories about females being the heroes.  They were written/collected by a father who was bothered by the fact that none of the stories he was telling his daughter were teaching her to be strong and independent (and props to him for noticing).]

And finally for those who know the show somewhat well:

The fourth and last reason is that I am a Samantha (with some tom-boy Miranda qualities thrown in).  I don’t like relationships.  I’m sexually experimental and I am most happy having sex “like a man”, that is with a lack of emotional attachment.  I’m independent and like to stand on my own.  This movie is mostly going to center around Carrie I am sure and all of the above mentioned bullshit that I find issue with.  I never enjoyed the weird fashion, the “fabulous” times they had at ridiculously expensive restaurants and bars, or did I ever find most of the men they were with exceptionally attractive.  I enjoyed the writing and the fact that the show embodied what women do talk about when they are together and the everyday issues that they can face in the world, especially when it comes to sex.

In the end I will most likely end up seeing the movie, but needless to say my expectations are not very high……..

little old ladies can still change the world May 28, 2008

I am currently reading “The Second Sex” by Simone De Beauvoir.  I usually do most of my reading on the commute to and from work and today as I was getting off the train I was  stopped by an old lady who asked me if I enjoyed reading the book.  She looked up at me and put her hand on her heart and said “I didn’t think anyone still read that.  It makes me so happy to see it, that was our bible back then”.  The look in her eye was so emotional I didn’t know how to react.  I wish I had stopped to speak to her more, but we were both swept up in the crowds leaving the train and heading in opposite directions.  It was one of those rare brief moments in my life that I will always remember.

It made me think of where our so called “feminism” stands today.  “Feminists” themselves are still considered on the fringe of society.  I have never really understood why this is.  The fact that I have been asked by other girls “oh, so you’re a feminist?” is absolutely shocking to me.  Shouldn’t we all be feminists?  Being a feminist is nothing more than standing up and saying that you deserve to be treated with the dignity of a human being.  Not treated as a man per se, but a human.  I’m pretty sure that any girl (or woman if you’d rather) doesn’t want to be told what they can and cannot do, simply based on their gender.

The stereotype of a feminist brings to mind the myth of the burkenstock wearing, short-haired, man hating lesbians.  For any of you that have seen the movie PCU, the style of the “womynists” would be indicative of this stereotype.  The fact is, that is a total myth, these type of feminists don’t really exist.  I consider myself a feminist, and yes, while I would rather spend my days in jeans and a t-shirt rather than a pretty pink dress doesn’t mean I fit into that extreme at all.  I am far from man-hating, and in fact have more male friends in my life than female ones, and while I have wandered down the road of sexual exploration, I am pretty sure that I am not a lesbian.

It’s disappointing that more girls/women feel that there is nothing left to stand up for, or that mistreatment and inequality only happens in third world countries.  In reality our work is far from done.  Yes, women have seen an enormous increase and freedom since the 1950’s but there is still more to go.  Beauvoir wrote “The Second Sex” in 1949 and it is shocking to me that most of what she says is still relevant today.  While women may have seen and increase in freedom or “equality” male attitudes have not really changed in that same time.  Boys (I have met very few actual men in my life) still hold the same biased perceptions of female behavior and thinking.  On the other sided however, as a girl who spends most of her time around boys, I sometimes find that these perceptions are not always totally out of line….but that is a topic for another day.

As I explore feminism more on an intellectual and academic level I wonder if I will be able to find the reasons why, we as females/women/girls, have dropped our banners and stopped demanding what should be ours as fellow human beings.  I wonder if I will reach my old age and see a young girl reading the books that radically changed my life when I was their age?  My hope is that maybe they won’t have to.  Maybe the future does hold an equal rights amendment to the constitution, women in combat roles in the military, and the true acceptance of those who do not want marriage or children in their lives (it is my belief that women are not accepted when they do not want children or marriage.  It is still seen as a necessary and sought after step in life, that if a woman does not reach it is made to feel like she is missing out on something, but again more on that later….).

So thank you little old lady on the train.  You helped me realize how much your generation accomplished in your lifetime, and how big of a deal it really was, and hopefully that our generation can go on to accomplish even more.  You still have an impact on the world because you have had an impact on me.

in defense of inked and stabbed chicks May 11, 2008

It really aggravates me when people make negative comments about girls being or getting tattooed or pierced.

I talked to a guy last night who said he didn’t understand why pretty girls would do that to themselves.  That “if a guy falls in love with you and loves everything about you, he’s not going to want to look at all those tattoos.”  Well, first off if someone loves everything about me they will love my tattoos too.  And second, as if that is the only goal in life.  I should restrict all of my life activity, personal expression and personality in the hopes that some fucking asshole will fall in love with me.  

Everyone always brings up the forever issue too.  Like “your skin is going to get old, or it will stretch when you have babies (ha! to that one let me tell you!)”.  My main response to this is, “my skin will look fucking shitty no matter what, tattoo or not”.  And I’m pretty sure that if and when I get to that point I won’t be stupid enough to think that everyone in the world is going to want to look at it afterwards.  Therefore, I will be making an effort to cover up and in the end will be the only one having to look at it, and you know what?  I’ll be able to look at all of my artwork, even the shitty stupid crap and remember how awesome my life was.  Each tattoo marks something in a persons life, even if the tattoo itself doesn’t mean a whole lot.  People have a million and a half reasons for getting them.  In the end its their personal choice and they deserve to make that choice without judgement about it.  You would never get a tattoo? Fine, good for fucking you.  Don’t sit there and tell me it was a stupid decision.  Who are you to judge?

And the next most common thing is the wedding dress issue.  I’ve heard countless girls say that they want to get tattooed somewhere, or they would love a piece on their arms or their back, but they wouldn’t want it to show when they’re wearing their wedding dress.  Really?  Wearing a fucking white dress for one day is more important to you than an amazing and meaningful piece of artwork that you will have with you forever?  A friend of mine once showed me pictures of a neighbor’s wedding and the bride had a full sleeve on one arm.  My friend stated that “see she has a full sleeve and it looks awful with the wedding dress”.  My response was “I think her sleeve is awful, not the fact that it doesn’t look right with a wedding dress”.  In my mind, not all tattoos are created equal, and occasionally you get someone with something shitty looking, but oh well.  Not our place to judge.  Even if its a crap tattoo it may still hold meaning for the person.  

Another common question/statement I get is “who would want to marry you with all those piercings and tattoos?”.  I have some friends/family that are what you would call traditionalists.  They want their wife to take their last name, they want them to wear white at the wedding, kids will be raised in a certain way…etc.  A bride with visible tattoo work would certainly not be acceptable (but then again if they were truly sticking to tradition their brides shouldn’t be wearing white to begin with). All I have to say is that if having tattoos and piercings means boys will not want to marry me, cover me the fuck up!  Marriages are not (or should I say “should not”) be built on such trivial issues as the presence or lack of tattoo work and honestly as if my only goal in life is to wait around for someone to want to marry me.  Apparently my life is pointless unless I aspire to, and succeed at that goal.

Yes I have a vagina and breasts, and as far as I know I am capable of having children someday, but fuck if I’m going to give in and live up to societies expectations of me and ever plan to be married with children just because that’s what people are “supposed” to do.  If it happens awesome, hope it works out for me, but guiding my life choices around that crap?  Never.

I have to say that some girls should wake up and smell the fucking roses.  I don’t mean to say this insultingly or judgmentally of course, it sucks to be judged.  But I feel like girls today are still in a way being brainwashed.  There is this grand idea that you are supposed to find someone to fall in love with, work towards getting married, pop out a few kids, and then die when you hit close to 80.  Really?  Its 2008 and we’ve only gotten that far?  My point may sound harsh and I recognize that this may be a real pursuit or desire for some people, but does that mean it has to apply to all people, and especially to girls (or women if you’d rather)?  Why must we say “when we get married and have children” instead of being honest and saying “if we get married and have children”.  

I guess I just feel that there is just too much individuality among people to have all of them stick to such a basic outline for life.  Why do we feel that we must always search for that one person to spend the rest of our lives with?  The truth is that one person will never be enough.  One person can never be all that you need and we need to stop wasting time searching for them, even if it is only in the back of our minds.  Everyone in your life brings something different to the table, one person will never really bring all that you need bundled up all nice and neat in a sexually attractive package.  We need to enjoy who we have in our lives at this moment and leave thinking about the future to science fiction writers.

Anyway, I’m sure I’ll have more to say about this later on.  I’m what you would call an “anti-relationship” person, although I think that label is sometimes a little too extreme.  I’ve had experience with relationships and it wasn’t all bad, but I feel that I have always been unhappy in them.  By trying to fit into what society’s definition of what is normal and what should make me happy, I ended up being very unhappy indeed.  My expectations were from an external source and not an internal one.  The second I made my internal expectations (or lack of them) a priority over what I was “supposed to” want I realized that a relationship is in fact not what I want, or more importantly what I need.

Relating thoughts about tattoos to thoughts about marriage and relationships? Yeah, that’s how my mind works……..I could write a concluding paragraph summing up all my points and tying them all together, but this is a blog, not a paper assignment for a sociology class.  Plus, I’m clearly not a fan of structure, just be content that I agreed to use punctuation and paragraphs.

I was Bamboozled again (for a second day) May 6, 2008

Day two of bamboozle proved to be a much more eventful day for me.  I was able to see a few bands that I’ve been listening to lately, but hadn’t seen perform live, mainly Envy on the Coast and Four Year Strong.  It was also the day of one of The Receiving End of Sirens last performances, so that alone automatically made it the highlight of the weekend.  

Anti-Flag was one of the first bands that I saw perform that day.  A band I had listened to before but, hadn’t really “listened” to them before.  During one of the last songs the lead singer made a political statement about how music unifies people and how we are sick of the war, etc.  It made me realize that it has been a long time since I have heard well thought out and meaningful political statements at a rock show.  It was nice to hear, mostly because the politically nerdy side of me can identify with statements like that.

Another highlight of the day took place while the  Bouncing Souls were playing.  I looked over to the back stage area and there was Big John just walking around!  For those of you who do not watch crap reality TV, Big John is Bret Michaels bodyguard, and one of the “stars” on Rock of Love.  Bret Michaels was playing after the Bouncing Souls and therefore explains Big John’s presence there.  Of course I walked over and had to get a picture with him, as well as have a little chat and make sure I get my slot on Rock of Love 3.  Not that I’m really interested in being with Bret, but I want to be one of the chicks that gets wasted and causes trouble, you know the way I seem to do in my everyday life……

Unfortunately, I had to miss Bret’s performance.  Turns out that one of the bands had dropped off the show on the stage TREOS was set to play so they were pushed up to play right after Envy on the Coast.  I had to see TREOS play and I wanted to see Envy as well so Bret got knocked off my list, later on I wasn’t to mad about making that decision.  Envy and TREOS played on stages side by side one another, so Envy finished up with The Gift of Paralysis and then TREOS immediately started off with Planning a Prison Break on the neighboring stage.  Hands down one of the best musical transitions I’ve ever experienced.

During TREOS I was pretty much right up front pressed up against sweaty people that I didn’t know, shouting words to songs that all of us love.  I was fully enjoying my experience until this stupid little girl in front of me tried to elbow me in the stomach.  She screamed at me to “stop pushing me”.  I kindly informed her that if she attempted that again she would find my fist in her face and that if she didn’t want to be pushed maybe she should get the hell out of middle of a crowd during an amazing band’s last official performance.  After a few songs Casey came out and played with them!  You could tell the older fans from the newer ones from our gasps of excitement.

After they were done I stumbled out of the crowd and found myself overcome with emotion.  It could have been the euphoria caused by dehydration and overheating from crowded rocking out bodies but after seeing TREOS play their “last” show, and re-united with Casey no less, I remembered deep down in my heart and soul and every other piece of my existence, why I love music.

Following my “religious” music experience, the rest of the evening just didn’t feel as intense.  I watched Every Time I Die which is always entertaining.  During their set I watched an asian chick punch this huge dude in the face after he pushed her for no good reason.  His nose immediately started gushing blood, it was awesome.  I caught some of the Mighty Mighty Bosstones and then headed over to watch Gym Class Heroes.  I first saw them at Warped Tour 2 years ago, and haven’t seen them since I became such a big fan of theirs so it was nice to see them again.  I bailed early from the show and missed Coheed and Panic! at the Disco, mostly because I couldn’t care less to see them play live.

All in all it was an amazing and exhausting weekend.  It made me remember why I love music so much and why I let it consume such a large part of my life.  There is nothing that makes me feel more alive than seeing a good band that I love to listen to play their shit live, and play it well.

I was Bamboozled May 5, 2008

I decided to venture down to New Jersey this weekend for the Bamboozle festival, two days of over priced food and water, ridiculously large crowds consisting of people under the influence and annoying teenagers, and oh yeah, a crazy amount of bands spanning several musical genres.  From Anti-Flag to Snoop Dogg, and Jimmy Eat World to Every Time I Die, I literally saw it all.

I found myself quite literally in the land of the enemy.  As if the masses of Yankees paraphernalia wasn’t enough to bring out my fighting spirit, the festival was held in the parking lot of Giants stadium, and I had to walk past a huge banner declaring that the Giants were the 2007 world champions.   I can certainly be said to be a huge Red Sox fan, so the land of the Yankees is not a happy place to be.  I have a hard time watching football, but you’re god damn right I care that we lost the super bowl to those fuckers.  Yes, I am one of those people that gets emotional about sports.  You can say its lame but whatever, we all have things that move us.  Luckily, I was able to put aside my sporting rivalries and prepare to enjoy a ridiculous amount of music.

The started off with some Story of the Year, marking my billionth time seeing them live.  I then went on to My American Heart, which I was very disappointed in as every song they played was from their newest record, of which I am not the biggest fan.  Less than Jake was up next whom I have never seen live.  They put on an amazing show of course and were even nice enough to throw several boxes of doughnuts into the crowd so that we didn’t have to spend eight dollars on a shitty hot dog.

Towards the end of the night was Paramore.  I had seen them at Warped Tour this last year so I figured I’d just hang in the back of the crowd and catch some of their performance.  My dreams of this were smashed however as the crowd behind me grew and began pushing everyone forward.  Eventually I ended up in the front of the crowd with a ridiculously close view of the stage.  Definitely not the band I pictured myself ever being in that position for.  I wasn’t having a bad time until a little 16 year old crowd surfing tasty decided to kick me in the face, resulting in the loss of one of my contact lenses.  I was pretty pissed about this because later on I had to watch Snoop with one eye closed, and minimal depth perception.

I caught some of Jimmy Eat World.  I had never seen them live before so I figured I would give them a try.  I admit it, I am not a JEW fan.  They just don’t do anything for me.  I like a few of their songs (mostly the ones that have been on the radio, lame I know) and overall I respect what they’re doing, but I just don’t have that big of a connection to their music.  A lot of it just sounds the same to me.  I was hoping that seeing them play live would inspire me a bit to get into them more, because everyone I know seems to love them, but I was sadly disappointed.  It happens I guess.

The night finished off with Snoop Dogg, which was amazing to see.  I am not exactly the type of person to head off to a hip-hop show, so it was nice to see him mixed in with all the other crazy music I listened to that day.  I could honestly say that my concert going experience is that much more complete.  Its always exciting seeing someone perform that you’ve been a fan of for awhile but never seen live.

I left the festival absolutely exhausted.  Between walking around, rockin’ out every once and awhile, and continually standing on my toes to see over the crowds, definitely did a number on my body.  I had no idea how I was going to be able to get through another day of it all.  I had time to eat, sleep, and eat again and then it was time for round two.